


my missing puzzle piece (my everything)

by mythological



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Coming of Age, M/M, Mutual Pining, and i think in the end that is what matters, it has a happy ending!, sorry about [gestures towards mark]
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythological/pseuds/mythological
Summary: Mark kisses Jeno once, twice, and leaves.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Mark Lee
Comments: 27
Kudos: 265





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> some random headcannons that never really made it into the fic:  
> -think of your typical, hardworking and overachieving asian-american students. then you have mark+00z in this fic  
> -jeno getting into every college he applied to was based off my irl best friend who actually did get into every single university she applied to of the same caliber as the ones jeno made it into  
> -jeno and renjun are entering university as pre-med students, jaemin as a fashion major, and donghyuck as a vocal major.  
> -not explicitly stated but mark+00z are from sacramento, cali!
> 
> and, just for fun, here are the clubs/activities 00z were involved in during high school:  
> -renjun (valedictorian): orchestra, science olympiad, debate club, NHS, and model un  
> -jeno: science olympiad, track and field, red cross, student council (treasurer), and NHS  
> -donghyuck: chorus, theater, literary magazine, debate club, NHS, and tri-m  
> -jaemin: lacrosse, photography club, art, red cross, student council (class president), and NHS
> 
> special thank you to my love, xin, for beta'ing this fic for me last minute... where would i be without you, truly!
> 
> and now, without further ado, enjoy!

If there’s one thing Jeno never expected, it’s that he’d be cut out from Mark’s life.

And yet, here he was, four months after Mark had moved across the country for university, desperately trying to get his best friend (ex-best friend? He’s still not sure) to reply to his messages. He’s tried Twitter, Instagram, KakaoTalk, iMessage—and even _Facebook_ —with no luck. Absolutely none. Zilch. Zero. Radio silence.

Jeno wants to rip his hair out, just a little.

“Maybe he needs space,” Jaemin suggests with a shrug.

“Were four months not enough for him?” Jeno hisses. The tabletop feels greasy, and maybe it’s best that he doesn’t rest his head on top of a McDonald’s table, but his life is in shambles, he has midterms coming up next week, and Mark is still ignoring him. Sue him.

Donghyuck, who had been busy trying to stack up ketchup packets into a house, looks up when it collapses. “I still can’t believe Mark Lee confessed to you and then _ghosted_ you for four months.”

“Still ghosting,” Jaemin corrects. “Not past tense. He’s still getting ghosted by Mark Lee.”

Jeno sits up, mentally wincing at the stickiness on his cheeks, and hisses, “Do you two ever shut up?”

“Nope,” the two of them chime at the same time. Donghyuck brings his hand up for a high-five, and Jeno gags when Jaemin laces their fingers together and brings Donghyuck’s hand to his lips and places a wet kiss there.

“Why am I here third-wheeling,” Jeno deadpans. “Where’s Renjun? He wouldn’t do this to me.”

“Yes he would,” Donghyuck retorts. “Renjun’s a sucker for affection just as much as we are.”

Jaemin lets out a dreamy sigh at the thought of Renjun. “Renjun is so pretty. I love him.”

The look on both Jaemin and Donghyuck’s face is so sickening that Jeno prays Renjun continues to ignore the two of them when they try to woo him into joining the two of them.

(That’s a lie. Jeno wants all of his friends to be happy but that doesn’t mean he’ll like having to _fourth_ wheel whenever the four of them hang out. It’s already bad enough with just Donghyuck and Jaemin, thanks.)

“I just want him to tell me _why_ he’s ignoring my messages,” Jeno complains. “I didn’t even get a chance to reply to his confession before he packed up and left!”

Jaemin hums, attention now on the game he’s playing on his phone. “Maybe he was scared of rejection, I don’t know.”

Jeno is confused. “Why would I reject him when I’ve had a giant crush on him since I was like, fourteen?”

“A rather embarrassing crush, too,” Donghyuck adds under his breath.

“It’s a miracle Mark’s never noticed,” Jaemin muses, dutifully ignoring Donghyuck’s comment for the sake of Jeno’s dignity. “But then again, he’s not exactly the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to these things.”

“Things like what?” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow.

“Matters of the heart,” Jaemin says gravely. “Mark may be smart as hell and going to Columbia on a full ride, but he sure is dumb as shit when it comes to his _feelings_.”

“Hey,” Jeno protests, though he doesn’t know why he feels the need to defend Mark when Jaemin is right.

Donghyuck seems to agree. “Don’t bother,” he snorts. “You know Jaemin’s right. Mark’s fucking stupid when it comes to anything that has to do with emotions. Good luck with that one, Jen.”

Jeno groans loudly, letting his head fall back onto the table. The worst part is that they’re right. Jeno hates it when Jaemin and Donghyuck are right.

And he tells them as such. “I hate it when you guys are right.”

Both Jaemin and Donghyuck laugh loudly, and Jeno wants to die. Just a little bit.

Fucking Mark Lee and his stupid laugh and his stupid smile that Jeno really fucking misses and those stupid eyes of his that are always sparkling.

“I miss him,” Jeno admits.

“We know.” Donghyuck reaches over to pat the top of Jeno’s head. “Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually.”

“Assuming he hasn’t met someone already,” Jaemin pipes up. “Oops,” he says, when Jeno sits up looking like he’s going to cry. “I did not say that. Ignore me.”

“Good job, babe.” Donghyuck sighs.

“My bad.” Jaemin shrugs.

“Fuck you guys,” says Jeno, with feeling.

Jaemin gives him a wolfish grin while Donghyuck stares at his boyfriend with hearts coming out of his eyes. Jeno groans and drops his head onto the table yet again. He hates these fucking gays.

˚˚˚

This is how it starts:

Jeno and Mark’s relationship is like those relationships that you see in the books and movies: Boy A moves to a new town and meets Boy B, who becomes his new best friend. Boy B introduces Boy A to the rest of his friends at school, and they all become inseparable. Boy B falls in love with Boy A, and the rest is history.

Or, that’s how the narrative _should_ have gone. The truth goes a little more like this:

Mark moves to their city in the middle of the school year, when Jeno is in third grade and when Mark is in fourth. Jeno’s mom ends up forcing Jeno to make friends with Mark so that he doesn’t have to play at recess and eat lunch alone, but Jeno hadn’t minded too much. It had been cool having a new, older friend to show off.

It doesn’t take much time for Mark and Jeno to become best friends. Days where they don’t have any after school activities are spent at each other’s houses either working on homework or, more often than not, playing video games together. Sleepovers are so commonplace that neither families bat an eye to see the other sitting at the dinner table, chattering away as if they’re part of the family.

Even when Mark had gone to high school first, they remained close. The after school hangouts turn into Mark working on his increased workload while Jeno napped after finishing his or Mark helping Jeno out with his homework.

All in all, it’s nice. Until the feelings happen.

Jeno’s never been in love. He’s never had a crush on anyone, either. While the rest of his classmates were busy developing puppy crushes on each other and going on mall dates with parental supervision, Jeno was busy trying to convince Mark that _no_ , Yoshi is the superior Mario Kart character and that Toad is lame.

“He’s a mushroom,” Jeno complains when Mark refuses to admit Yoshi’s superiority. “But Yoshi is a dinosaur. That’s so much cooler than a _mushroom_!”

“I don’t care.” Mark shakes his head, adamant in his choice. “I like Toad.”

Jeno groans but gives up trying to convince Mark. At least this means Mark won’t try to steal his character when they play like Donghyuck does.

It’s silent as they wait for the game to load, and Mark breaks the silence once they’ve chosen their characters. “If I win,” he starts, “will you grant me a wish?”

Jeno turns to look at him in confusion. “A wish?”

Mark looks conflicted. “Yeah, a wish.”

“Sure?” Jeno is confused but something about the way Mark is frowning tells him not to ask any questions. Yet. “If you can beat me, that is.”

That makes Mark laugh, thankfully. The match is filled with yelling as they fire red shells one after another at each other, trying to trip the other with banana peels, and sending a blue shell flying at whoever happens to be in first place.

Mark _does_ end up winning, much to the surprise of Jeno and the relief of Mark.

“What’s your wish?” Jeno asks when they turn Mark’s Wii off. “Did you want to decide what to get for dinner tonight, or something?”

“Tell me not to go,” Mark blurts out. Jeno is confused. “Just… tell me not to go.”

Jeno frowns. “Tell you not to go where? You’re not making any sense, Mark.”

It takes another thirty seconds for Mark to answer, and Jeno is getting antsy when Mark blurts out, “Yuqi asked me to go on a date with her.”

Jeno doesn’t know what to say. “Who’s Yuqi?” Is what he settles for.

Mark blinks. “My friend from school. She went to a different middle school from us.”

“Oh.” Mark hadn’t said anything about this Yuqi until today, and Jeno doesn’t know why his chest starts feeling tight. “Why don’t you want to go on a date with her?”

“I… like someone else,” Mark admits, ears turning red.

“Oh.”

Mark also hadn’t told him about having a crush, either. Jeno wonders if this is what everyone around him meant when they had told Jeno he and Mark would probably drift apart soon, since Mark is in high school and Jeno is still in middle school.

As if sensing the inner turmoil Jeno has, Mark says in a hurry, “It’s just a small crush. It’s, uh, on someone in my class. You don’t know them.”

“Oh.”

Jeno doesn’t know how to explain the way he’s feeling right now. “I think I need to go. I forgot I had something I needed to do with… Donghyuck.”

It’s a lie, of course, and a bad one. Mark knows too but he doesn’t stop Jeno when he scrambles up to get his belongings so he can leave. Jeno doesn’t look back as he shoves his feet into his shoes, and Mark remains silent.

At the age of fourteen, Jeno first learns how hollow your chest can feel.

˚˚˚

Jeno is fifteen when he sees Mark kissing Lucas, the new transfer student, in the back of the parking lot of their local grocery store. He wonders if it’s normal to feel so numb.

˚˚˚

At sixteen, Jeno has to fake a smile and pretend to be okay at the sight of Mark holding hands with Lucas. He wishes he could be genuinely happy for his best friend and that he wasn't so selfish.

˚˚˚

When Jeno is seventeen, Mark tells him that he’s been in love with Jeno for as long as Mark can remember, and that he’s sorry for being selfish. All Jeno can do is stare in shock as Mark bolts out of Jeno’s room after flipping Jeno’s entire world upside down. 

When Jeno is seventeen, Mark leaves for university without another word—without a single _goodbye_ —and proceeds to ignore all of Jeno’s messages and calls, taking Jeno’s heart with him all the way to New York.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [8:09am]: are u done ignoring me yet

 **Jeno** [10:30am]: ok i guess not

 **Jeno** [4:20pm]: u are the worst

˚˚˚

“I think you’re an idiot,” is what Donghyuck says when Jeno tells them of his plans to try and get into Columbia. “I can’t believe you’re moving across the country to chase after a guy.”

“I was going to apply there anyways.” Jeno ignores Donghyuck’s jabs and continues to do research on minimum test score requirements, GPA, and how expensive it would be for him to actually go there. The school Wi-Fi is making him cry at how slow it is and Jeno seriously considers trying to connect the school computer to his hotspot. “Fuck, why is Columbia so expensive?”

Jaemin rolls past them, slightly spinning in his chair. “Isn’t Columbia like, one of the top ten most expensive universities in this country?”

“Yes,” both Renjun and Donghyuck say at the same time, exchanging high-fives. Jeno ignores all of them.

“Hey, Jeno. What score did you get on the SAT?” Jaemin drags his chair over to sit next to Jeno, offering him a lollipop. “Did you look at last year’s class’ profile?”

Jeno hums. “I did. I think I’m okay as long as I sound interesting enough on my application and keep my grades up this year. Do you think I’m crazy for doing this?”

Jaemin shrugs. “I mean, Columbia has a good pre-med program too, right? And it was on your list of schools you were going to apply to anyways, so who cares? It’s not like you’re suddenly dropping everything else to go be with Mark, or something.”

“What was your dream school, anyways?” Donghyuck asks, stealing a lollipop from Jaemin’s bag. “Wasn’t it UCLA?”

“Ew, no.” Jeno makes a face. “Honestly? Probably NYU. If I somehow manage to get into both Columbia and NYU, I’ll probably commit to NYU if I get enough scholarships.”

“Godspeed.” Renjun makes the sign of the cross and sends a mental prayer for Jeno. “Fuck higher education and their need to suck students dry for profit.”

Jeno also makes the sign of the cross and begins to pray. “Dear God,” he starts, “if you’re up there, please give me some money so that I can go to school. Amen.”

“Amen,” Jaemin and Donghyuck chorus.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [2:39am]: u fucking suck

˚˚˚

Once the last of his college and scholarship applications are submitted, all Jeno can do is sit in silence as he anxiously waits for the acceptance and rejection letters to start coming in. Jaemin tells him that he’ll probably be fine while Renjun joins him in the anxious silence. Donghyuck is too busy going around to different schools to audition for their music programs to join them, but he sends them an array of keyboard smashes everyday, so Jeno thinks that he’s doing just fine.

“Honestly, what are they going to do?” Jaemin sighs as Renjun and Jeno stare at their laptop screens in silence, pale from the rack of nerves eating them up from inside. “Reject you?”

“Um, yes?” Renjun bites out. “Shut your mouth before I break up with you, Jaemin Na.”

Jaemin closes his mouth at that and mimes zipping up his lips and throwing away the key. Jeno has never been so thankful for Renjun’s power to shut both Jaemin and Donghyuck up.

“Oh, my God. I can’t do this,” Jeno whispers in horror, fingers refusing to put in his login information to check whether he’s been accepted or not. “Fuck, this isn’t even NYU and I’m so nervous.”

“Oooo, Jeno cursed,” Jaemin teases, trying to lighten up the mood. When all Jeno does is turn to stare at Jaemin in horror, he sobers up and sits up straight. “Do you want me to check for you?”

“Yes, please,” Jeno whimpers and shoves his laptop towards Jaemin.

Renjun decides to do the same. “Check mine, too.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe you two. Okay, who first.”

“Him first.” Both Renjun and Jeno point to each other at the same time, and they both turn to stare at the other.

“Rock paper scissors for it,” Jaemin says in a monotone voice. He sounds like he’s tired of their antics, which Jeno thinks is rich coming from someone who was crying into Jeno’s pillow the other day for having gotten into his dream school.

Renjun ends up winning and gestures for Jaemin to check Jeno’s first, much to his dismay. All Jaemin does is stare at them for a second before taking both of their laptops and logging in at the same time.

Jeno has to hold Renjun back before he can lunge towards Jaemin to strangle him because he knows that Jaemin is their only hope if they actually want to check their acceptance status.

“Just once,” Renjun begs. “Let me hit him just once.”

“If you hit me I’m not going to check for you,” Jaemin threatens, though they all know it’s a lie. Jaemin would move mountains if Renjun asked. “Sit there in silence and suffer while I check.”

Renjun glares and crosses his arms sullenly while Jeno starts to pray.

“Yo,” Jaemin finally says after the longest minute of Jeno’s life passes by. “Congrats. You both got into UC Berk.”

Jeno feels his soul leave his body. “Stop lying to me.”

Renjun looks like he’s going to puke, which Jeno can relate to.

“Why would I lie to you about this?” Jaemin looks offended. “Come look for yourself.”

That’s the last thing Jeno wants to do, but he has no choice when Jaemin turns Jeno’s laptop around before Jeno can say no, forcing him to read the words on the screen. He sees him doing the same with Renjun’s from the corner of his eye, but he can’t exactly focus at the way Renjun screeches in protest. Not when his brain is trying to process the words on the screen in front of him.

_Dear Jeno Lee. Congratulations! I am delighted to offer you admission to the University of California, Berkeley for Fall 20…_

He doesn’t know who screams, but there’s definitely a lot of it happening as the three of them run around Jaemin’s living room like a bunch of fools. Jaemin’s older brother, who’s home for break, stares at them in mild horror when he comes down the stairs to check on the noise, but none of them pay attention to him.

“Mom, I got into college!” Renjun cries out in happiness, dropping to his knees and throwing his hands in the air. “I’m not a failure in life!”

“College acceptances don’t define who you are—” Jaemin tries to protest but Renjun cuts him off.

“I know, just let me be happy.” Renjun looks like he’s going to cry, so both Jaemin and Jeno think it’s only appropriate to tackle him down and force him into a group hug.

Sure, UC Berkeley might not be his dream school, but Jeno thinks that this is a good sign that things are definitely looking up for him.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [3:13pm]: omg we went to the park today and hyuck fell off his skateboard and scraped his chin rip he’s so mad  
 **Jeno** [3:13pm]: jaemin got the whole thing and posted it on his insta story if u wanna go look!

 **Jeno** [4:59pm]: LMAO jaemin tried to feed the ducks but renjun yelled at him for trying to disturb the “fragile ecosystem” and we watched jaemin sit there and get lectured by renjun for like 15 min

 **Jeno** [6:26pm]: jaemin’s flirting got us free dessert :D

 **Jeno** [9:57pm]: oh yeah btw renjun and i got into uc berkeley  
 **Jeno** [9:57pm]: if u care

˚˚˚

_Dear Jeno Lee. Congratulations! I am delighted to offer you a place in Duke University’s Class of 20…_

Jeno holds his mom as they cry together when he gets his next acceptance letter. His hard work and his parent’s sacrifices have paid off so far, Jeno thinks, as they tell his dad the good news when he gets home from work that night.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [11:21pm]: i got into duke today  
 **Jeno** [11:21pm]: just wanted to let you know

˚˚˚

“Are you ready?” This time, it’s Donghyuck’s turn to play the emotional support because Jaemin’s away for a lacrosse game and Renjun has orchestra practice.

“No,” Jeno says. “But the world isn’t going to stop turning just because I’m not ready.”

Donghyuck gives him a weird stare. “Dude, what?”

“I stayed up all night finishing my analysis for AP Lit.” Jeno grimaces.

“Ah.” Donghyuck nods understandingly. “I didn’t even do mine.”

“Wow, I am so surprised,” Jeno says flatly. “Oh, fuck, it’s five.”

Donghyuck squeezes Jeno’s free hand as his other one clicks on the login button. It’s silent as they wait for the page to finish loading, and it’s Donghyuck who moves the cursor to check Jeno’s application status since Jeno is too scared to move.

It takes another minute for the page to load, and when it does, Jeno’s brain short-circuits.

_Dear Jeno Lee. I am delighted to inform you of your admission to Penn’s Class of 20…_

Donghyuck squeals in delight and almost crushes Jeno in his excitement, but Jeno can’t bring himself to complain. Instead, he squeezes Donghyuck back just as hard and they fall off Jeno’s bed.

The pain doesn’t register for either of them as they’re too busy rolling around the floor and, in Jeno’s case, crying tears of joy.

Later, Renjun texts their group chat an impressive amount of keyboard smashes, exclamation points, and crying emojis, letting them know without words that he’s also been accepted into UPenn.

**bastard children (4)**

**Jeno** [8:13pm]: be my roommate

 **Renjun** [8:13pm]: No.

 **Jeno** [8:14pm]: ☹️

 **Donghyuck** [8:19pm]: F

˚˚˚

“How many schools left?” Jaemin asks. They’re over at Renjun’s house this time, working on a group project for AP Environmental Science. Personally, Jeno thinks it should be against the rules to assign a group project of all things so close to the end of the school year, but at least their teacher is letting them work with people in different classes.

“Just four,” Jeno replies. “Yale, NYU, Columbia, and Emory.”

Donghyuck looks up at that. “Doesn’t Emory come out today? Yangyang was losing his shit about it during gov today.”

Jeno freezes in horror as Jaemin and Renjun slowly turn to look at him.

“Oh, fuck,” Jeno says.

“I can’t believe you _forgot_ ,” Renjun hisses. He slams his textbook shut and grabs his laptop. “Get your ass over here, Lee.”

“Which one?” Donghyuck mumbles under his breath, but it goes ignored by everyone in the room.

When Jeno doesn’t move, all Renjun has to do is give Jaemin a single glance before Jaemin gets up to drag Jeno down from Renjun’s bed by the ankle.

“Traitor,” Jeno hisses as he rubs his lower back. “I can’t believe this.”

“Better believe it, baby,” Jaemin sings. “Hurry up and log in so we can get the ice cream.”

“What if he got in?” Donghyuck refutes, to which Jaemin just shrugs.

“Ice cream can work for both good and bad occasions,” he points out. “If he got in, then yay! Ice cream to celebrate. If he didn’t, then well, ice cream to cheer him up.”

“You’re lactose intolerant,” Renjun reminds Jaemin as he taps away on his phone. “You’re not getting any ice cream.”

“I know.” Jaemin pouts. “I’ll get something else.”

Jeno doesn’t hear any of their discussion because the page finally loads and Jeno sits there in stunned silence. His mind goes blank and he thinks he genuinely blacks out for a second from the sheer amount of shock mixed with joy when his brain finally processes what he’s reading.

_Dear Jeno Lee. Congratulations! You have been accepted to Emory’s Class of 20…_

Donghyuck leans in to peek at the screen when Jeno doesn’t respond to any of their calls, and his squeals tell their friends of the outcome and Jeno finds himself being crushed under a puppy pile but can’t find it in himself to complain.

Four out of four so far. Jeno crosses his fingers that his miraculous lucky streak won’t break any time soon.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [6:33pm]: yo  
 **Jeno** [6:33pm]: idk if u talk to any of them but hyuck got into julliard today  
 **Jeno** [6:33pm]: and jaemin got into parsons a couple of weeks ago

 **Jeno** [7:02pm]: just me and renjun left now lol

 **Jeno** [7:13pm]: well no renjun is pretty set on going to upenn i think but he’s still waiting for yale  
 **Jeno** [7:13pm]: i’m still waiting for NYU

 **Jeno** [8:01pm]: u better not be skipping ur meals, asshole.

˚˚˚

When Donghyuck calls the three of them crying because he’s been accepted into Curtis Institute of Music, none of them hesitate to rush over so that they can congratulate him in person and with junk food.

Jeno laughs gleefully as Jaemin coos and wipes away Donghyuck’s tears with Renjun hugging him from behind, his face buried in between Donghyuck’s shoulder blades.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [11:43pm]: DONGHYUCK GOT INTO CURTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

˚˚˚

_Dear Jeno Lee. Welcome to Yale College! It is with great enthusiasm that I write to congratulate you on your admission to the Class of 20…_

Against all odds, Jeno somehow gets into Yale, and to almost nobody’s surprise, so does Renjun.

Renjun is a mess of snot and tears as he asks them a million times if this is a dream and if he’s going to wake up any second now. Jaemin and Donghyuck are quick to reassure him that no, this isn’t a dream and that yes, he got into Yale.

He allows Donghyuck to drag him into their group hug, squeezing him as tightly as he squeezes Renjun.

When he tells his parents later that day, Jeno swears he’s never seen his mom cry so hard as he lets her hug for as long as she wants. His dad’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears as he tells Jeno that he’s proud of him, and Jeno breaks down into tears again at his words.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [12:30am]: i got into yale.

 **Mark** [4:19am]: I knew you could do it.  
 **Mark** [4:19am]: Congratulations, Jeno. I’m proud of you.

˚˚˚

“He replied to you?” Jaemin frowns as he scrolls through Jeno’s rather pathetic text thread with Mark. “And then nothing after that?”

“He better have fucking replied after ghosting him even while Jeno was updating him about his acceptances,” Renjun scowls. “Remember how much Jeno did for him for every acceptance letter?”

Donghyuck’s expression is dark. “I’m going to kick his ass.”

Jeno takes his phone back from Jaemin and shrugs. “At least now I know that he’s still alive and kicking _somewhere_.”

“Yeah, now we know he’s just being a coward and ignoring you instead of facing his problems head on,” Jaemin retorts, not bothering to sugar coat his words. Jeno winces.

“Don’t defend him, Jeno,” Donghyuck says dryly. “You know it’s true.”

And they’re right. Jeno does think Mark’s kind of an asshole for ghosting him the entire school year, but he supposes the fear Mark probably had when confessing is valid. Jeno’s had almost nine months to mull over Mark’s actions, and he thinks he might’ve done the same.

Renjun lightly kicks Jeno’s ankle to get his attention. “Don’t accept whatever apology he might give you when he comes home this summer. Not until he gives you a legit explanation on why he decided it’d be okay to ghost you for nine whole months after telling you that he loves you.”

“If it’s a half-assed explanation, kick him in the face,” Jaemin suggests. “Knock him down a peg or two.”

Jeno rolls his eyes. “Thanks. I won’t, don’t worry,” he says to Renjun when the latter opens his mouth to say something again. “I can kind of see why he’s being like this but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear him say it with his own mouth.”

“Good.” Donghyuck holds out a fist for Jeno to bump, which he does. “Let me know if you need someone to kick his ass. I know a few people.”

“I thought you said you were going to kick his ass.” Renjun raises an eyebrow.

Donghyuck grins widely. “I don’t like to get my hands dirty.”

Jeno snorts at that while Jaemin just gives Donghyuck a fond look. Renjun rolls his eyes and grunts when Donghyuck starts whining and latches onto Renjun’s arm.

“Do you want us to come over on Saturday?” Jaemin asks. “NYU and Columbia come out on the same day, right?”

“Yeah, they do.” Jeno’s face falls at the reminder. “This is the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

Donghyuck laughs at that while Renjun pats Jeno’s knee in sympathy. “Want us to come over?”

“No, it’s okay.” Jeno shakes his head. “Just distract me afterwards if it doesn’t go well, yeah?”

“Of course.” Donghyuck leaves Renjun’s side to latch onto Jeno’s instead. “Just give us a call and we’ll come running.”

Jeno leans into Donghyuck’s embrace. “Thanks.”

“Anything for you,” Donghyuck coos. Jeno smiles, because he knows that Donghyuck means it. That all of them mean it.

Sure, he might not have Mark with him, but at least Jeno has Renjun, Donghyuck, and Jaemin, and honestly? Jeno doesn’t think he could’ve asked for better friends than them.

˚˚˚

_Dear Jeno Lee. Congratulations! The dean and the Committee on Admissions join me in the most rewarding part of my job—informing you that you have been selected to Columbia University’s Class of 20…_

_Dear Jeno Lee. On behalf of the admissions committee, it is my honor and privilege to share with you that you have been admitted to NYU’s Class of 20…_

Teardrops stain the top of Jeno’s desk as he stares until the words start blurring together, wondering if this is a dream that he’ll be ripped from any second now.

If this is a dream, Jeno thinks, it’s cruel.

A knock on the door interrupts him and Jeno jumps, turning his head in time to see his parents poking their heads in.

The look on Jeno’s face is all they need to know and they both rush over to gather Jeno up in a hug, the three of them crying tears of joy.

Eight colleges. Eight acceptances.

Jeno did it.

“I’m so proud of you,” Jeno’s mom whispers as she presses a wet kiss on his temple. “ _So_ , so proud of you.”

Jeno cries even harder at his mom’s words and clings onto her as tightly as he can without hurting her. His dad squeezes his shoulder in silence, and it’s more than enough for Jeno to know that he’s proud of him as well.

“Both of them?” His mom asks when they finally manage to pull themselves together.

Jeno nods. “Both of them,” he confirms.

“Good job.” His dad squeezes his shoulder once more. “I knew you could do it.”

Jeno beams, and his parents smile back at him just as brightly.

“I have to go tell the guys now.” He wipes away his tears, whining when his mom tries to wipe them away for him, but lets her do as she pleases. “They wanted to go watch a movie. Did you guys want me home for dinner?”

“No, it’s okay.” His mom ruffles his hair. “Go celebrate with your friends. We’ll go out for a celebratory lunch tomorrow with your grandparents.”

Jeno’s parents give him one last hug before leaving his room. Once his mom closes the door behind her, Jeno takes a deep breath.

It still feels surreal, and Jeno knows it isn’t until he gets tackled by his friends that it’ll hit him that this is real. That Jeno did get into both NYU and Columbia.

Donghyuck’s scream almost shatters Jeno’s eardrums when he opens the door for them, and he allows them to pile on top of them as they all laugh and cry while Jeno’s parents watch over them fondly.

(Jeno ends up managing to convince Jaemin to pay for his meal, and Renjun and Donghyuck split Jeno’s movie ticket between the two of them, as well as the snacks.

They spend the entirety of the movie bickering over plot holes and snickering at the awkward chemistry between the two leads. The couple sitting in front of them turns around multiple times to shush them, but none of them can bring themselves to care.)

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [10:10pm]: i got into nyu  
 **Jeno** [10:10pm]: and columbia  
 **Jeno** [10:10pm]: are u coming home for summer break?

 **Mark** [3:49am]: Proud of you.

 **Jeno** [4:01am]: wtf answer my question asshole

˚˚˚

Mark doesn’t come home for summer break, opting to stay in New York instead.

According to his parents, who heard from Mark’s, he’d managed to get a research position at school.

Jeno isn’t even surprised.

˚˚˚

Graduation is a blur of sweat and dozing off during the speeches. It’s hot in the arena because the A/C is broken, and Jeno thinks he’s going to melt from the weight of his graduation gowns.

He barely pays attention to any of the speeches, only straightening up to listen to Renjun basically say in a roundabout way how much he hated high school and how fucked up it is that your grades apparently define who you are as a person. Jeno wonders how he managed to get that speech past the teachers’ inspections.

When it’s time for them to walk, Jeno bounces his legs anxiously as he waits for his row to get up to form a line. Donghyuck, who’s sitting next to him, slaps him in an attempt to make him stop, but Jeno just shakes his leg even harder to spite him.

“When we get out of here, I’m going to end your existence,” Donghyuck threatens in a low voice so that he doesn’t get caught by the teacher at the end of their row. “It’s your life, Lee.”

“We’re both Lee’s, dumbass,” Jeno shoots back under his breath. When the teacher turns her head towards them, Jeno looks forward, pretending to be so very interested in watching his classmates awkwardly shake their principal’s hand and pose for the camera.

After what seems like forever, it’s finally their turn to get in line and wait to be called on to walk across the arena for everyone to watch.

When there’s only one person in front of Donghyuck, Jeno leans in and quickly hisses a quiet, “I hope you trip.”

Donghyuck jumps in surprise at that and, much to Jeno’s delight, _does_ end up tripping slightly when his name is called. He shoots Jeno a glare before stumbling forward, shaking their former teachers’ hands and posing confidently for the camera.

He can hear Renjun and Jaemin cheering, no doubt ignoring the disapproving looks from the teachers around them. So much for their valedictorian and class president setting an example for everyone else, then.

When Jeno’s name is called, he smiles brightly for the camera before hurrying back to his seat. Now that he has his diploma, it finally feels like high school is over, and Jeno can’t wait to get out.

“We’re free, baby,” Donghyuck cheers quietly when they get back to their seats. “No more AP exams.”

“College is supposed to be worse, isn’t it?” Jeno points out, ducking his head when the teacher in the row in front of them turns to glare and shush them.

Donghyuck doesn’t pay attention, no longer giving a fuck now that they have their diplomas. “Yeah, but no more _math_.”

Jeno has to bite his lower lip to stop from laughing out loud. “I’m happy for you.”

It’s even harder to sit still once everyone gets their diplomas, and this time, Donghyuck joins him. He can practically _taste_ that the end is near when Jaemin gets up on the podium to deliver the final speech as their class president, and be the one to initiate the cap toss—officially bringing their high school careers to an end.

The arena is vibrating with excitement as friends hug each other and former classmates exchange one last goodbye. Jeno finds himself being smothered by the friends he’s spent the past few years with.

It still feels surreal that tomorrow, they’ll wake up as high school graduates. That they’ll no longer see the people they’ve seen everyday for the past four years of their lives. That they’ll no longer have to wake up at the crack of dawn to make it to school on time.

When Renjun and Jaemin manage to make it to them through the crowd, the four best friends huddle up, beaming at each other as they allow the noise of the crowd to swallow them whole.

˚˚˚

**Mark Lee**

**Jeno** [8:13pm]: i graduated today

 **Mark** [8:30pm]: I know.  
 **Mark** [8:30pm]: Congratulations on getting out of high school alive, Jeno.

 **Jeno** [8:31pm]: i miss u

 **Jeno** [9:12pm]: mark.

 **Jeno** [9:48pm]: omg

˚˚˚

Jeno doesn’t tell Mark that he committed to Columbia, and asks his parents to keep it a secret from Mark’s as well.

“I want it to be a surprise,” is what he tells them when they ask why, because neither of their parents know about their falling out, if Jeno can even call it that.

Mark leaving him on read again doesn’t even surprise Jeno anymore and at this point, it just makes him more determined to track Mark down once school starts so that he can maybe kick his ass a little bit and knock some sense into him.

“Who’s your roommate?” Jaemin asks. They’re all lounging in Donghyuck’s basement, since it’s the only place that stays cool year round even during the dead of summer.

“Yangyang,” Jeno says. “I was surprised when he messaged me about it. I didn’t even know he committed to Columbia. I thought he’d go to Berkeley, since that’s where his entire family went, apparently.”

Donghyuck hums. “I think you two will get along. Yangyang’s chill.”

Renjun gets up from where he had been laying in front of the fan to give Jeno an indecipherable stare. Ten seconds of uncomfortable silence pass before Renjun finally asks, “Did you tell Mark?”

“No,” Jeno replies. “I didn’t bother since I knew he would just leave me on read again.”

“Wait.” Jaemin flips over to lie on his stomach. “What made you choose Columbia over NYU? I thought for sure you’d go to NYU instead.”

Jeno makes a face. “Money.”

The three of them wince at that because, yeah. Relatable.

“NYU is notorious for not giving much to out of state students, right?” Donghyuck shoves a handful of chips into his mouth. “Kind of like the UCs.”

“Fuck capitalism,” Renjun says.

“Fuck higher education,” Jaemin adds.

Jeno deadpans, “Our valedictorian and class president, everybody.”

Donghyuck snickers and holds out the bag of chips, offering Jeno some.

Summer is almost over, Jeno realizes as he watches Donghyuck and Renjun bicker over what movie they should watch. Summer is almost over, which means that soon the four of them will be going their separate ways, as well.

“I’m going to miss you guys,” Jeno blurts out before he can stop himself. Donghyuck and Renjun stop arguing to look at Jeno and Jaemin looks up from his phone.

Silence, then: “Aw,” Renjun coos, letting go of Donghyuck and causing him to drop to the floor like a sack of flour. “Is our Jeno getting sentimental on us?”

“Shut up.” Jeno scowls, crossing his arms over his chest and sinking down into the couch, hoping that it would swallow him whole. “I take that back. I can’t wait to leave so that I don’t have to see any of your faces until Christmas.”

“Thanksgiving,” corrects Donghyuck, a pleased smile on his face at Jeno admitting that he’s going to miss them. “We made plans to explore the city together, remember?”

They had indeed made plans to go around New York during Thanksgiving Break, but Jeno reconsiders those plans when the three of them gather around Jeno to pile on top of him again.

“Get off,” Jeno complains, trying to shove them off, but it’s no use. Donghyuck has his left arm pinned down while Jaemin holds his right arm captive. Renjun lays on top of Jeno’s chest, trapping him under as they snuggle up against him despite the rising temperature.

Jeno hates that he loves his friends so much.

“I hate you guys,” he grumbles.

“We love you too,” they happily chorus.

˚˚˚

Move-in weekend is a blur and before Jeno knows it, it’s time to say goodbye to his parents so that they can start the long drive back home. It’s a teary goodbye on his mom’s part and a solemn, “don’t get into trouble, young man,” on his dad’s part. The only thing that really convinced them to let Jeno move across the country is that his cousin is only a 30 minute subway ride away from him, and Jeno has never been so thankful for Doyoung’s general existence.

“Call me when you finish unpacking, okay?” His mom fusses over him for the millionth time that day, and Jeno allows her without complaint. It’s hard for her, he knows, because it’s hard for him too.

“I will.” Jeno envelops her in what’ll be their last hug until he’s home for Christmas. “Call me when you guys make it past the nightmare that’s George Washington Bridge, okay?”

Hiss dad chuckles, though Jeno knows he’s not looking forward to having to drive through New York’s traffic and the bridge again. “Hopefully we’ll make it out in one piece.” He checks his watch and taps Jeno’s mom on the shoulder. “We should leave now if we want to avoid traffic, dear.”

“Okay.” Jeno’s mom sniffs and releases Jeno. “Make sure to eat all your meals, okay? If I hear from Mark or Yangyang or any of the other boys that you’re skipping your meals, I swear to all that is good and holy, Lee Jeno, that I’ll drag you back home by your ears, do you hear me?”

Jeno flinches because he knows she’s not lying. “Okay, I won’t.”

“And instant noodles don’t count as meals, either,” his mom continues.

Jeno sighs. “Okay, mom.”

His dad rolls his eyes and gives Jeno an exasperated look, which Jeno returns. “Come on, honey. We should get going now. Jeno, keep your grades up.”

“I will.” Jeno ushers them towards the car. “Keep me updated on the drive back home, okay? Don’t get pulled over by the cops, or something.”

“Please,” his dad scoffs. “I’m not your mother.”

“Hey!” she protests, and Jeno watches fondly as he trails behind them. When his parents are in the car, buckled up, it hits Jeno that this is it. His college career is starting and his parents are going to be on the other side of the country, supporting him from afar.

“Get home safely, okay?” Jeno manages to choke out.

His mom’s eyes soften and she reaches her arm out to pat Jeno’s cheek twice.

“Don’t worry, dear,” she says warmly. “We’re only a phone call away, okay? And if you need us, then we’ll find a way.”

“Okay.” Jeno closes his eyes and gives himself one last second before pulling away. “Love you guys.”

“Love you too,” his mom says. When his dad just grunts, she turns to glare at him until he mutters a quiet, “I love you too.”

Jeno watches them pull out of the parking space and out of the lot and even after the car disappears, Jeno stands there staring at the distance, wondering if he’s ready for this new chapter of his life to start without his biggest supporters by his side.

˚˚˚

Tracking down Mark shouldn’t be hard to do once the new semester starts, Jeno tries to convince himself. Although he’s still trying to adapt to his new environment and get used to the newfound freedom, tracking Mark down to kick his ass is still his #1 mission, and Jeno would be damned if he has to meet up with Jaemin and Donghyuck next weekend without having found out if Mark is alive or not.

To his surprise, it’s Yangyang who gives him the means of finding Mark.

“Are you joining KSA?” Yangyang asks. They’ve decided to eat dinner in their dorm tonight, because Yangyang had wanted to catch up on the latest Netflix show he’s binge watching and Jeno had decided he’s had enough social interactions for the week.

Jeno hums. “I think so. Free access to Korean food, right?”

“That’s one reason to join,” Yangyang snorts. “The intro meeting is next Wednesday. Wanna go together?”

“Sure.” Jeno finishes his food and throws it in his tiny trash can, making a mental note to take it out later so they don’t get bugs.

“Mark’s on the exec board, apparently.” Yangyang throws this piece of information out so nonchalantly that, for a second, Jeno just nods without processing his words. “You know, if you need any incentive to actually go to the meeting.”

Jeno freezes. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Just throwing that out there.” Yangyang settles into his bed, signaling the end of the conversation.

If he had gone to the club fair like Yangyang had, then Jeno probably would’ve known about Mark being on the exec board for KSA. But he hadn’t because it had seemed like too much work at the time, and Jeno finds himself cursing past-Jeno for being so fucking lazy.

 _Reap the consequences of your actions, Lee,_ a voice that sounds suspiciously like Renjun’s echoes in his head.

He ignores the voice, though, and opts to settle into bed as well. He could deal with this tomorrow—preferably when Yangyang is off making friends, leaving Jeno alone to scream into his pillow in peace.

˚˚˚

Jeno isn’t nervous. No, he’s the opposite of nervous. He doesn’t even know what it feels like to be nervous.

Jeno is fine.

“You look like you’re going to throw up,” Yangyang informs him. “Are you good, dude?”

“Just peachy,” Jeno squeaks out. He clears his throat when Yangyang gives him a weird look. “I’m fine. Stop staring at me like that.”

Yangyang studies him for a second before shrugging, probably deciding that trying to pry the truth out of Jeno is more trouble than it’s worth. “Okay, if you say so.”

Jeno doesn’t know what to expect from seeing Mark for the first time in over a year, but it certainly wasn’t this.

Mark looks different. He looks good, laughing away with his new friends as they wait for people to finish showing up and for the meeting to start.

Mark looks happy.

Maybe even happier than he had looked while he was with Jeno.

Yangyang takes one look at Jeno’s face before suggesting that they sit in the back, and Jeno follows without a word.

He wonders if it’s normal, to still be in love with someone who you haven’t talked to in over a year. Wonders if it’s normal to be in love with your best friend who ran away after confessing that he’s been in love with you for as long as he could remember.

Looking back, Jeno thinks he might’ve been a little pathetic; pining over Mark and trying to get into the same university while Mark had been living his life and making new friends. Mark had very clearly moved on, and Jeno thinks that maybe it’s time for him to do the same.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark had expected a lot of things when starting high school.

For one, he expected to finally, _hopefully_ , find something that he’s good at. Something he’s passionate about. And he had, so that expectation had been met.

He expected to meet a lot of new people and make some friends. Which, to the surprise of both Jeno and everyone else around them, he had. Mark meets Lucas, who transfers to their school during Mark’s sophomore year. Through Lucas, he meets Woojin, whose quiet but chaotic demeanor can rival even Donghyuck’s. And with Woojin, comes Jihoon, who apparently knows the entirety of the student body, so yeah—Mark supposes he’s made some friends during high school.

What he hadn’t expected, however, was realizing that he’s in love with Jeno.

The realization doesn’t come slowly. Instead, it hits him in the face like a bag of bricks, leaving him bruised and battered and politely wondering _what the fuck_.

It’s scary—to realize that you’re in love with someone who’s been by your side since what seems like the beginning. But at the same time, when Mark thinks back to his years with Jeno, he doesn’t think it’s too big of a surprise to realize that yeah, he’s in love with his best friend.

The worst part is telling Lucas, who just grins at him and tells him, _“I know.”_

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers, close to tears. He can’t bring himself to look at Lucas in the eye. Not when he hurt him like this. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Lucas gently bumps Mark’s shoulder with his fist, trying to get Mark to look at him. “Mark, seriously, it’s all good. I knew from the beginning. We _all_ knew from the second we saw the two of you together.”

“Then why?” Mark furiously rubs at his eyes, trying to make the tears disappear.

Lucas pauses, and Mark can tell he’s choosing his words carefully.

“At first, I had hope,” he admits. “I thought that maybe if you spent more time with me, then you would start looking at me. But you never did. And it’s okay that you didn’t,” Lucas is quick to continue when Mark looks like he’s going to burst into tears again. “It’s okay that you didn’t, Mark, because I realized that maybe we were better off being just friends in the first place.”

“I’m the worst.” Mark hiccups. “You should hate me.”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “You’re an idiot,” he tells Mark. “But you’re not horrible. You were a pretty good boyfriend. At least I can brag and say that I’m your first kiss.”

He laughs when Mark leans down to take his shoes off to hurl in Lucas’ direction. Lucas, in return, gives Mark a wolfish grin before taking off in the opposite direction, daring Mark to try and catch him.

And just like that, one problem is solved, leaving Mark scrambling to find answers on how to approach the biggest one: telling Jeno.

“You could just, I don’t know, tell him, maybe?” Jihoon suggests, waving his fork around. The rest of them have to duck to dodge the small bits of food that go flying. “It’s not as complicated as you’re making it out to be, Mark. Quit overthinking.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, Jihoon’s right,” Woojin says. “Maybe we should listen to him more often.”

“I’ll kill you, asshole,” Jihoon hisses, lunging forward and putting Woojin in a chokehold. Neither Mark nor Lucas bat an eyelash at the sight and ignore them in favor of continuing to eat their lunch.

“I don’t think your feelings are unrequited, if that helps?” Lucas tries. “I’ve definitely caught Jeno staring at you for longer than what’s apparently considered socially appropriate.”

“You mean like how you stare at that senior in our French class?” Jihoon asks innocently. “I think his name was Jungwoo.”

He yelps when Lucas throws a chicken nugget at his face, and Mark turns to Woojin with desperation he’s never quite felt before.

“Can we _please_ sit somewhere else tomorrow,” he begs. “Away from these two.”

Woojin reaches over to take one of Mark’s hands in his. “No.”

Mark regrets ever befriending Lucas and wishes that he could go back in time to tell past-Mark to stop being so damn friendly to everyone.

...

It’s not weird for Jeno to be surrounded by people. There’s a magnetic force that seems to surround him, attracting people to him like moths to a flame.

So it really shouldn’t be a surprise for Mark to find Jeno giggling and looking absolutely enamored at Donghyuck.

And that’s the breaking point for Mark, really. The sight in front of him reminds Mark one last time that yeah, he and Jeno are best friends, and that’s all they will be.

It sucks, Mark thinks later that night as he lays in bed. It sucks because he can’t blame anyone but himself. For these feelings, for being a coward, for deciding to stay silent. It sucks because he can’t even feel bitter about this whole thing, because he just wants to be happy for Jeno. He wants to be happy for him and Donghyuck.

And it sucks, because while he wants to resent Donghyuck, he can’t. Mark can’t blame Donghyuck for staring back at Jeno with the same enamored eyes.

He can’t blame Donghyuck, because how could Mark blame anyone for falling in love with Jeno?

Jeno, who is like the constellations in the sky that watch over you and guide you home.

...

When Mark commits to Columbia, he decides to take a risk. To say ‘fuck it’ and do what he wants to do instead of screeching to a halt and overthinking it to the point of no return.

And so, that’s what he does.

Summer means lazy days with Jeno, hanging out in either his room or Jeno’s, trying to escape from the unforgiving sun.

Summer means new opportunities, as Mark gets a part-time job for the first time in his entire life at the Gong Cha three blocks away from their neighborhood. Jeno doesn’t miss a single shift that Mark works, choosing to stay in the cool, air-conditioned store rather than the skatepark with the rest of their friends.

Summer also means _the end_ , in a twisted way, and for Mark, his end starts a little something like this:

“Not hanging out with Donghyuck today?” Mark questions as he wipes the counter for the millionth time that morning. It’s a surprisingly slow day, and Mark relishes in the peace and quiet for as long as he can before the lunch rush is set to start.

Jeno gives him a weird look. “Why would I hang out with Donghyuck and them at the park when I could be here, getting free boba and Wi-Fi?”

Mark narrows his eyes. “It’s not free if it’s being taken out of my paycheck, asshole.”

“Free for me, though,” Jeno points out with a beam. “Anyways, they’re going to the pool but I didn’t feel like swimming. And it’s your last day of work, so I figured I’d come and play emotional support for when you break down after being freed from the clutches of capitalism.”

“My hero,” Mark deadpans. “I get off at three. Wanna go catch a movie or something?”

“I’m poor.” Jeno scrunches up his nose, and Mark has to resist the urge to reach over to boop it. “Let’s just watch something on Netflix. I had my mom buy me like, three tubs of ice cream the other day.”

“Why would you need that much ice cream?” Mark is only mildly horrified.

Jeno stares. “Why wouldn’t you need that much ice cream, Mark?”

“Okay, valid.” Mark gives up, knowing that the argument on Jeno’s worrying ice cream intake is a lost cause. Many have tried and failed, and Mark knows a losing battle when he sees one. “We can pick up some snacks on our way to your place, then.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jeno groans as he stretches, sighing happily when his back pops the way he wanted it to, apparently. “Do you think your manager’s going to spend the entire time glaring at me again?”

Mark snorts. “Last time was definitely your fault. Nobody told you to steal all the napkins to make origami.”

Jeno shrugs. “I was bored. Now shoo. I have summer homework to work on, and you have customers. By the way, I want black milk tea with 50% sugar and pearls, thanks.”

“I hate you,” Mark hisses, but scurries away to do his job. Thankfully, the customers leave after receiving their orders rather than staying to chat, and Mark once again finds himself taking peeks at Jeno while the latter works on his summer assignments.

Yuta, his manager, sneaks up from behind Mark and whispers, “Dude, you have it _bad_.”

The only thing that saves the rest of Mark’s dignity from being completely shattered is the fact that he doesn’t scream like he normally would have.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” Mark hisses, shoving Yuta away with his elbow. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about. Please go do whatever your manager duties are, Yuta.”

“So rude.” Yuta sniffs, though Mark knows it’s just for dramatics. “Is this how you should treat the person paying you?”

“You’re not even the one paying me,” Mark points out. Yuta ignores him.

“Anyways, tell lover boy I’m going to kick him out if he steals all the napkins again today. Oh, and we’re getting a new part-timer tomorrow and you’re in charge of training him.”

Mark stares. “Today is my last day, Yuta.”

“Oh.” Yuta pauses. “Fuck.”

“Good luck,” Mark snorts. “Go away, I have customers to serve.”

The rest of his last shift passes by without too much excitement, and Mark is happy to take his uniform off for the last time before chucking it into the bin Yuta wordlessly points to.

“I’ll miss you, Markles.” He wipes away a fake tear and attempts to smother Mark in a hug. “Come back to visit me, you hear?”

Mark ducks to avoid Yuta’s arms. “Aren’t you moving to Washington for grad school at the end of August?”

“That’s not the point,” Yuta complains. “I won’t keep you for long. Lover boy’s waiting. See you around, Mark. Good luck at school.”

“Thanks. Try not to die at grad school, old man,” Mark quips, running away before Yuta could strangle him. Jeno, who had been playing a game on his phone, jumps in surprise when Mark screeches to a halt in front of him. “Ready to go?”

Jeno raises an eyebrow. “I should be saying that to you. Ready for freedom, Lee?”

Mark gestures for Jeno to lead the way. “Whenever you are, Lee.”

Looking back, Mark thinks that the first mistake of many that day had been the way he stuck closer to Jeno than normal. He could blame it on a lot of things, like the feeling of being free after slaving away for the entire summer, or even the thought of moving across the country for school soon.

When they’re alone in Jeno’s room, a random movie playing since they couldn’t agree on what to watch, Mark allows himself a second—just a single second is all he needs—to look, before he tells himself that this is it. This is the last time Mark will allow himself to indulge before he locks his feelings away in a box and throws the key away forever.

But apparently life has other plans for him, because Jeno catches him before Mark can look away. “What are you looking at?”

Mark stares. “Nothing.”

Jeno frowns. “You’re still staring. Do I have something on my face?”

“No.” Mark shakes his head. “You don’t have anything on your face,” he repeats when Jeno doesn’t look like he believes him.

“Then what?” Jeno nudges Mark’s shoulder with his own. “What’s up?”

Missed chances—Mark could probably write an essay on those.

“Nothing.” Mark tries to look away but fails.

“You’re lying.” Jeno pouts and leans away, poking at Mark’s cheek. “Is something bothering you?”

He wonders if their friendship is strong enough to be salvaged after this.

“I’m not lying,” Mark lies.

Jeno’s face falls at that, and Mark feels his heart drop. “You are.”

Jeno’s lips are soft against his own, which is surprising considering the amount of times Mark’s seen him gnaw on them while thinking.

Jeno’s lips are soft against his the second time, too.

The rationality that had run away from him eventually comes back home, and Mark soon finds himself staring at Jeno in horror. Jeno looks back at him with what Mark can only describe as pure confusion.

“What was that,” Jeno whispers.

 _Tick tock._ The clock tells Mark that he’s running out of time, that this is his last chance. To play it off as a joke. To tell Jeno that it had just been a ‘spur of the moment’ type of thing.

“I’m in love with you,” is what Mark says instead, still staring at Jeno because he doesn’t know if he can look anywhere else—doesn’t know if he _wants_ to look anywhere else.

And he can see it. Mark sees the moment his words hit Jeno—the second his brain processes what Mark had just said; what Mark had just done. And Mark can see it in Jeno’s face that this is it. It’s done for, and there’s no turning back.

“What?” Jeno’s face is so, _so_ scarily blank. “Mark, what the fuck?”

“Jeno.” Mark thinks his heart is going to crawl out of his throat. “I’m in love with you.”

“If this is a joke, it’s not funny—”

“It’s not a joke.” Mark has never regretted anything so much in his life. “Jeno, I can’t even remember a time when I _didn’t_ love you.”

The box Mark had been so careful to keep tucked away from the public springs open without permission, showcasing everything Mark had been trying to hide for the whole world to see. Or, at least for Jeno to see.

Jeno is silent, and this is the first time Mark can’t decipher what he’s thinking.

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers, scrambling to get up. Jeno doesn’t move. “I’m so sorry, Jeno, for being selfish.”

And with that, Mark bolts without looking back.

Summer means new experiences, like getting his ears pierced while Jeno watches in horror, rambling about how Mark’s mom was going to kill him.

Summer means the start of a new beginning as Mark finishes packing up his entire life into cardboard boxes to have them shipped to New York.

Summer, in its own, twisted way, also means _the end_ —just like the story of Mark and Jeno.

He closes that chapter and bids it farewell as Mark takes one last look around his room before walking out the door and entering a new one.

Mark closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to memorize how the air tastes and the sound of the birds chirping and the way the sun feels on his face before leaving behind everything he’s known for good.

Life is full of regrets, Mark thinks, but Jeno isn’t one of them.

Mark takes a step forward, and smiles. It’s a new start. A new chapter for him to anticipate.

...

College is, for a lack of better word, _different_.

Sure, Mark’s heard the stories from his cousins, but nothing Johnny had told him could’ve prepared him for this, honestly.

“Hendery,” Mark deadpans as he tries to support his friend’s weight. “How much did you drink, dude?”

“Just… just a tiny bit,” Hendery slurs, giggling as he and Mark stumble. Not even banging his head against the streetlamp fazes Hendery. In fact, it only brings about another burst of giggles as Mark stares at the heap of limbs in contemplation.

“How much would you hate me if I just left you here?” Mark asks out loud.

“A whole fucking lot!” Hendery laughs too brightly for someone who had just puked all over his senior’s shoes.

Mark misses a lot of things about home, but right now he misses Lucas and his gym rat arms more than anything else. “Please put your legs to use, Hendery. God gave them to you for a reason.”

Somehow, they manage to make it back to their dorm in one piece for better or worse, and Mark groans as he collapses onto his bed after throwing Hendery onto his own.

One and a half semesters in and Mark will still never get used to the way Hendery throws back shots as if his life depends on it, which, Mark supposes, it does if you’re crazy like Hendery is and decide to take 18 credits in one semester.

Their dorm is silent, save for Hendery’s snores, and Mark’s thoughts start drifting towards dangerous territory.

His phone had beeped with a message from Jeno earlier that night, but Mark had been too much of a coward to check. He knows about Jeno’s acceptances from the phone calls with his parents, and wants nothing more than to congratulate Jeno himself, but he can’t.

He doesn’t know how to; not after leaving without a word like that.

But liquid courage is a scary thing, and once his brain supplies that he can use alcohol as an excuse for his bravery tonight, Mark unlocks his phone and opens his text thread with Jeno.

UC Berkeley, Duke, UPenn, and now Yale. Mark feels the corners of his lips pull up into a smile. He knew Jeno could do it.

**Jeno Lee**

**Jeno** [12:30am]: i got into yale.

 **Mark** [4:20am]: I knew you could do it.  
******Mark** [4:20am]: Congratulations, Jeno. I’m proud of you.

...

He doesn’t know how it happened, but Mark finds himself rereading the email from his chemistry professor over and over again until both Hendery and Dejun hit him on the head and tell him to stop being weird.

“Dudes.” Mark stares at them in shock. “I got the research position.”

Hendery pauses from where he had been punching away at his calculator and Dejun looks up from his textbook.

“You mean the research position with Dr. Joo?” Hendery drops his calculator when Mark wordlessly nods. “What the fuck, _how_? I thought slots were limited to upperclassmen only.”

Dejun looks like his soul has left his body. “Holy shit, Mark. Congrats, dude.”

“Is this a dream,” Mark whispers.

Hendery reaches over to pinch Mark’s cheeks. “Nope,” he says when Mark yelps from the pain. “Not a dream. Congrats, dude. I can’t believe you actually got the spot.”

“What if it’s a mistake.” Mark pales at the thought of possibly receiving another email from his professor, telling him that the email was sent to him on accident. “I think I would die from heartbreak.”

“Didn’t you already die from when you left your best friend back at home—ow, Hendery, stop hitting me, okay, I’m sorry— _ow_!”

“Ignore him,” says Hendery, his sweet voice contrasting the way he had been violently hitting Dejun with his notebook not two seconds ago. “I’m happy for you, dude.”

Mark smiles until he realizes that this means he won’t be able to go home for the summer. “Oh, wait. That means I can’t go home.”

“Weren’t you planning on staying in the city for most of the summer anyways?” Dejun points out before turning back to his textbooks to finish up his readings.

“Dejun and I will be here too,” Hendery says. “You won’t have to worry about being lonely, Markie Poo.”

“Never call me that again, please,” Mark shudders at the nickname, “or I’m going to tell Sicheng about that time you—”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Hendery hisses, slamming his textbook shut. “Mark Lee, you wouldn’t _dare_ —”

They end up getting kicked out of the library for disrupting the atmosphere, which Hendery feels no remorse for, asking them if they want to go grab something to eat instead.

“You are the worst,” Dejun deadpans. “The absolute worst.”

Hendery merely beams while Mark ignores them in favor of walking ahead, pretending that he doesn’t know the two squabbling like children behind him.

...

When Jeno texts Mark that he got into both NYU and Columbia, he’s over the moon. Hendery deems that as a good enough reason to celebrate, despite the fact that they have finals coming up soon.

“He’s so.” Mark gestures with his hands, trying to think of words that are enough to describe Jeno. “He’s so amazing,” he slurs out, giggling when he catches Hendery and Dejun exchanging disgusted looks.

“Yeah, we know,” Hendery says. “You only tell us that every single time you get drunk.”

Mark laughs as if that’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard. “Jeno. My Jeno. He’s so smart. He got into Yale. Got into Yale! And UPenn. Two Ivy’s! My Jeno,” Mark sighs dreamily. “He’s so great.”

“Does he realize that we also go to an Ivy League?” Dejun whispers.

“Don’t burst his bubble,” Hendery whispers back.

“And you know what?” Mark hiccups. “Jeno is… is so beautiful and so kind that I don’t deserve him. I hurt him a lot, you know?”

Hendery wordlessly pours Mark another glass of soju, which Mark throws back without hesitation. The burn feels good, and it serves its purpose as a distraction.

“Did you reply to his message?” Dejun asks, chewing on the snacks they have laid out in front of them.

“Nope.” Mark pouts. “Didn’t know how to.”

Hendery narrows his eyes. “What do you mean? You could’ve just congratulated him or something.”

Mark whines, slumping down so that he can rest his head on the cushion of the couch. “He asked if I’m coming back home for summer break,” he mumbles, throwing an arm over his eyes to block the light but also to prevent the tears from spilling out. “I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

He hears the two of them sigh and is grateful for the way that they leave him alone to mull over his thoughts.

This could be a sign, the hopeful part of Mark tries. A sign that Jeno doesn’t want to give up on them.

But even if it were a sign, it’s too late for them to go back to what they were before, and Mark doesn’t know if he can manage to face that reality quite yet.

...

**Jeno Lee**

**Jeno** [10:10pm]: i got into nyu  
******Jeno** [10:10pm]: and columbia  
******Jeno** [10:10pm]: are u coming home for summer break?

 **Mark** [3:49am]: Proud of you.

 **Jeno** [4:01am]: wtf answer my question asshole

...

Jeno graduates high school and Mark wants to kick himself for not being there to watch Jeno walk across the stage; to see him complete one chapter of his life and move onto the next.

If there’s an award for the worst best friend in the universe, there’s no doubt that Mark would be the winner.

...

Seeing Jeno again after a year of not seeing him flips Mark’s world upside down.

Quite literally.

He runs into Jeno after his last lecture of the day. One second, Mark is trying to convince Hendery to stock up on instant ramen for their apartment and the next second, he’s trying to blink the stars away from his eyes after colliding with what turns out to be Jeno.

“Oh.” Mark stares. Jeno stares back.

“Hey,” Jeno says after what seems like a millenia passes by before them.

Mark breathes. “Hey. Long time no see.”

Jeno looks like he’s going to punch Mark in the face for that, which Mark thinks he deserves. “Seriously?”

“Okay, that was bad, sorry.” Mark sighs, inwardly grimacing at the tension between them. “Sorry about running into you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jeno waves Mark’s concerns away, ignoring the hand Mark offers for him.

Mark can’t remember a time they had been so _awkward_.

“You dyed your hair,” is the only thing Mark can bring himself to say. The blonde suits him. “It looks nice.”

Jeno runs his fingers through his hair, looking shy. Mark wants to melt. “Ah, Jaemin and Donghyuck ganged up on me, so I didn’t stand a chance. They didn’t even tell me what they were planning on doing until after the bleach was in my hair.”

The dye job looks recent, which means: “Are they in the city too? Jaemin and Donghyuck, I mean.”

“Yeah.” Jeno nods. “Jaemin’s over at Parsons and Donghyuck’s at Julliard.”

Mark smiles. “That’s nice. Not too far from each other, huh.”

Jeno hums. “It sucks that Renjun’s down in Philadelphia, though. But I guess it’s better than being across the country, huh?”

It’s a taunt, Mark knows, but he doesn’t take the bait. He knows that Jeno is probably looking for a fight; for answers on _why_.

“I guess so. I suppose you get to see Donghyuck pretty often still, then, huh?”

Jeno’s cold facade crumbles at the confusion of Mark singling Donghyuck out. “Uh, I guess so? On the weekends, sometimes, with Jaemin. Renjun joins us when he can, but it’s too much money for him to come up every single time.”

Now it’s Mark’s turn to be confused. “You… don’t mind those two crashing on your dates all the time?”

The two of them look at each other—confused for different reasons.

Jeno finally breaks the silence. “I’m… not dating Donghyuck?” he says slowly, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully. “He’s dating Jaemin and Renjun.”

Mark feels like the world has been ripped out from beneath his feet. “What?”

“Oh, my God,” Jeno exhales. The way his entire posture relaxes tells Mark that something’s clicked for him, and Mark wishes that Jeno would share his findings with the class. “Oh my fucking God. I’m going to kill you, Mark Lee.”

Mark takes a step back, because for the first time in his life, he actually thinks Jeno will see his threat through. “Let’s talk this out.”

“I’ve _been_ trying to talk to you for the past year,” Jeno explodes, clutching his face as he laughs like a madman. Mark is scared. “Mark Lee, I am going to erase your entire existence, I swear.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark says, because he is. “I’m sorry for ghosting you for the past year.”

“Yeah, sorry isn’t going to cut it anymore, buddy,” Jeno grumbles. “But let’s hear it. Why?”

Mark hesitates, because this isn’t really a conversation he wants to have out in the open. “Can we go somewhere else?”

He can tell that Jeno forgot that they’re still out in the hallway and that someone could walk in on their conversation any second now. Mark thinks it’s a miracle no one’s walked past them yet.

“Where do you have in mind?” Jeno asks, leaving the floor open for Mark to do as he pleases. There are a number of places that pop into mind, but Mark doesn’t want to go too far.

“There should be an empty room on the second floor,” Mark says. “We can talk there.”

Jeno shrugs. “Lead the way.”

The room is empty and Mark clicks the door shut behind him, watching as Jeno settles into one of the many chairs.

“So,” Jeno starts. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“I thought you and Donghyuck were dating,” Mark admits. The words come much easier since he’s had an entire year to think and reflect. “And I didn’t want to get in the way of your happiness.”

Jeno studies him, but doesn’t look angry. He looks genuinely curious at Mark’s conclusion of his and Donghyuck’s relationship, and how he had even managed to reach that. “Why?”

Mark shrugs. “You two were always together, I guess, when we weren’t. And Donghyuck looked at you the way Lucas said I looked at you—”

He slams his mouth shut when he realizes what he’s saying.

“Are you joking me.” Jeno looks angry again, and Mark has to physically hold himself back from bolting out of the room. “Mark, Donghyuck’s been in love with Jaemin since they were in diapers.”

All Mark can do is offer a weak, “oh” and cower when Jeno sends his chair tumbling to the ground.

“So, let me get this straight,” Jeno begins. “You’re telling me that you ignored me for an entire year after kissing me not once, but _twice,_ because you thought I was dating _Donghyuck_ of all people?”

“Maybe?” Mark squeaks out, flinching when Jeno glares.

“You owe me,” Jeno says, pointing a finger towards Mark’s face. “You owe me big time.”

Mark sighs, slumping against the wall and giving Jeno a resigned smile. “I do. I know.”

Jeno hesitates before crossing the distance between them and draping himself over Mark.

“I missed you,” Jeno says.

Mark wonders if he’s allowed to have this. “I missed you too.”

“That’s an entire year you owe me,” Jeno mumbles, tightening his arms around Mark. “I charge interest.”

Mark chuckles and pats Jeno’s hair, pouting at the dryness of it and mentally making a note to have Dejun recommend him some hair products. “That’s alright.”

Jeno pulls back. “Has anything changed?” he asks, his eyes desperately searching for something.

It takes a second for Jeno’s question to click, and when it does, Mark feels his heart soar.

“No,” he says, allowing himself to be honest for the first time in a year. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still really fucking in love with you.”

The smile Jeno gives him is brilliant, outshining even the brightest of stars.

“Good,” replies Jeno, exhaling before leaning in to rest his forehead against Mark’s. “Because I’m really fucking in love with you too.”

Jeno’s lips are just as soft as Mark remembers them being, even after the third, fourth, and numerous kisses after that.

It’s like the last puzzle piece has been set in place, and Mark smiles contently against Jeno’s lips, finally feeling whole once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> comments + kudos are always appreciated =^.^=


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